I recently took the decision to cancel a leadership workshop I had planned to co-lead in October because I did not have enough participants. It is not the first time that I find myself with my ass on the ground and it won’t be the last one either! It’s now been a few years that I co-lead the Bigger Game leadership workshops, and every time I do, it picks me up in my emotions.
Right now, I feel ambivalent about the various energies that flow through my body. On the one side I see some gray and heavy energies that reflect my sadness, anger, disappointment, and fear of wanting to start over, while on the other I see some yellow and orange energies celebrating my learning, confidence, hope and resilience. This mix bag of energies clearly whispers to my ear that I will have to express myself again soon, because there are more workshops to come!
I could choose to stay in my gray zone or beat myself up about what I should have done or not. I could convince myself that I’m not good enough and that I should just give up and throw the towel, because after all, there are so many leadership workshops around; many of which are excellent.
I stayed in my gray zone for some time, enough to live my feelings with indulgence and to face my fears. I even organized a party to keep an eye on them. I like to process my emotions, one by one, to find out what is really hiding behind them. This moment is important as it not only allows me to clarify a situation, but more also, and perhaps more importantly, it gives me full permission to vent.
- I was mad, it had to go out – I pushed a good shout out and, unfortunately, I also blustered on my spouse!
- I was sad, so I cried…
- I got frustrated, so I let off some steam… I threw the ball at arms length to Myco, my dog, who was really happy with my frustration
- I was disappointed – I spoke out loud to the participants who should have registered and I told myself I did my best
- And damn my fears – well I told them they have no rights over me, no way they get behind the wheel of my life!
After the party was over, I really felt better and ready to move on. It is as if I had laid down my arms and decided to let go. Letting go my fears as well as the expected results allowed me to really focus on myself, on my strengths, and in this case, on my resilience. This ability to bounce let me reconnect with my best self and visualize what this October Bigger Game workshop might have looked like. Imagining it is easy, because, for several years, I have had the privilege to co-lead and see, everywhere, participants / players dare to play bigger. Here is what I see;
- A group full of energy and ready to be not prepared
- Participants with a “hunger” to discover and at the same time a certain fear of jumping
- Colorful conversations, role plays
- Movements on the Bigger Game board
- Pleasure to play, to draw, to visualize everything is possible
- Emotions, humor, empathy …
- Leaders who nourish and grow the vision of their group
- The wonder of the unknown
- Story telling is so inspiring
- The confidence to move forward
- Lack of judgment
- Partnerships looming
- Feedback, brainstorming, planning, actions
- Bigger Game taking shape
- Transformation and richness
Simply visualizing the success of a workshop that never happened makes my heart beat faster, and triggers the excitement and the joy I feel inside when I co-lead. I can’t play the Bigger Game in the place of the absentees. It’s up to each person to make a conscious choice, among the multitude of offers that we are receiving via emails.
My leadership role increasingly guides me towards serving. SERVE is a way of being that extends from my spiritual power, from my heart and from my love. I want to develop and reinforce others, having them look more closely at who they really are and at how they could become stronger in their hearts and minds. And one way to achieve this is to initiate the Bigger Game movement – as it brings us to stretch ourselves, just enough to get outside of our comfort zones while leaving lasting impacts around us.
I wish that you could all become more aware of your commitments, and of your choices, so that they make you grow, and propel you, in your wildest dreams! And who knows, our paths might still cross in a future Bigger Game!
And I would like to know… What do you do with your fears? And when you “fall”, what stimulates you to fully recover?
PS – I wrote this article with simplicity. I realize how much I love writing. Besides being liberating, it allows me to create what I want, to be responsible for my words and generate impacts all around me. In fact, I just realized that I had not published since June. Over three-months of break in which I felt comfortable because I am unable to write just for the sake of writing. Today I write with my heart and with my passion, for you and for me too.